Something is up for me, something around form and here is where I get the inform-ation about that. (See earlier post on Information)
In January, I attended a Tarot Pilgrimage for 2009 with Pamela Eakins. We pulled cards for each month of the year. My card for May is One of Earth (Form).
I am currently doing a 10 Powers Tarot journey with Pamela and this week the card we are working with is One of Earth (Form).
Pamela did a reading for me regarding my heart’s desire (wouldn’t you like to know what that is – I’m not telling) and the middle card was One of Earth (Form).
One of the questions posed by that card is what wants to be manifest into form now? What I read said the card is telling me to stop thinking about things and do them NOW.
It was driving me a little nuts. I had this sense of urgency. I mean the same card in 3 different readings converging at the same point…surely I must do something now! I found myself pacing agitatedly and asking, “but what? ” And I’m not talking I-don’t-have-a-clue-what, but which what? If you’ve ever had that problem you are familiar with the train wreck that follows.
Then, this morning while meditating on the card, something shifted. I saw NOW from a different angle. I saw that everything before NOW was THEN. (I know, duh) Every good idea, theory or creative expression from before is no longer an inspiration for form in the now. Things have changed. I have changed. So I ask myself: What is it that wants to happen now, because this is no longer then?
You are probably wondering when the Cheshire cat and the Mad Hatter appear…
In that moment of insight, I was released from the past and able to breathe into freedom, to catch a glimpse of what true freedom is.
I look at the oaks outside my window. When they were acorns full of potential there were many possibilities for what they would look like 10 or 20 years later. As they grew, environmental factors determined which way the branches would grow, which branches would become strong and which would fall away. With each passing moment, the options for what was once possible become redirected by virtue of what has happened so far. The infinite possibilities inherent in the acorn, are fewer. And at every moment there is a question of what now, or which way now?
This is a simple illustration of being aware that we will have to hold our plans lightly.
I have a garage full of what could be called branches; boxes of music from my piano teaching years, synthesizer setups and computers for a learning lab I used in my studio. I have two windsurfers, sails, skis, mountain bike and tons of miscellaneous stuff in boxes including books. They all represent something from my past, some way in which I identified myself, some role I played or world in which I belonged. Some hold a higher potential of being part of my NOW than others.
Those that are part of my now are the branches that are still connected to my trunk. The ones that have some potential, but are not really present for me are connected, but have lost leaves. Others are branches that have fallen away and need to be cleaned up, recycled back into the community where they will nourish others.
The breath of freedom I received was in knowing that all the things and ideas from the past were what wanted to happen then and I had a great track record of bringing them into form. If I spend all my time herding the past, I will miss what it is that wants to happen now.
Focusing upon what wants to happen now, I lean into faith and I listen to the whispers of my soul and the times in which I live. Becoming present, I participate in creating as much as preserving. I do not lose my past. I am my past. I am a composition of all I have ever seen, done, said, thought, felt. That’s what makes each of us, in this big pool of one-ness, so unique. And all that I am contributes in that unique way to what I am up to now. I am informed by all those old ideas, doings and ways of being, but I don’t have to be chained to them, drained by them or beholding to them.
So when I ask the question – “what will I manifest into form now?” I no longer feel an urgency to pick an answer. I find it strangely pleasant to live in the question and while I’m living there (or should I say here), I become very creative and forms begin to make themselves tangible through me.
How about you?
What comes up for you around all the stuff (internal and external) you have hanging around from the past?
How does it potentially help you navigate uncertain times whether in your own life or in our economic climate in general?
What wants to happen, through you, now?
copyright(c) Kathy Loh, April 2009, all rights reserved