The other day, I emailed a great rant to a dear friend, Cynthia Morris. I titled it “snarky moment.” I was smiling and feeling mischievous as I wrote. I was removed enough from it all not to be the victim in search of rescue, or the martyr in search of pity. I was having a romping roll with anger in the ranting hayloft and it was fun!
Here’s the story.
We had a series of storms here. The power was out for three full days. We had the advantage of a generator that was on briefly each morning and evening; enough to keep the food from spoiling and enable us to run water and flush toilets. Our water comes from a well. The well requires a pump and that pump requires electricity.
I hunkered down when the power first went out. I figured I could easily be patient with the usual two hours of outage that comes with a big storm. I’d managed to make my coffee just in time. I dressed like I was going skiing; long underwear, turtle neck, hooded sweatshirt and down vest. I checked to be sure the land line phone worked for the day’s client calls.
I spent 60 minutes in the morning and the evening scanning email and other social media using my backup laptop battery and a dial-up internet service. Slow, v-e-r-y s-l-o-w. I spent time under the down comforter. I actually read a book. (insert gasp of amazement here)
By day two, I was feeling really pent up. The rain, hail, thunderstorms, and falling tree limbs kept me off the wooded trail. To get to a movie, I’d have to drive the long way around on back roads as the main road was blocked by downed trees and lines. My patience was wearing thin and the lemonade I was making from lemons tasted sickeningly sweet. I was gagging on calling this an adventure, a retreat, a learning experience.
By day three, righting my rant had stopped working for me altogether. I was hardly breathing anymore. My creative muse had flown the coop. The ways in which I was making positive out of the negative just weren’t telling the whole truth. I wasn’t being patient or positive. I was tolerating. In my hunkering down, I gave lip service to “adventure,” but I was living imprisonment. Of course, I didn’t realize this until the power was restored.
The first full day of electrical power was followed by the first full day of sunshine. My own power was returning as well and instead of righting my rant, I wrote it. I wrote it and fired it off to Cynthia. Being the wonderful friend and creative coach she is, she responded:
“There is a lot of wisdom and a lot of clues in this rant. I’d go through it and highlight what you want and then, you know, make it happen.”
Now rants are kind of funny. They generally don’t have a life beyond their explosive moment in time. So, I had to go back and read what I’d written. It was amazingly clear that there are some changes I need to make in my life and the clues in that email are undeniable. The changes loom ominous like the storm clouds. So, no wonder I didn’t own-up to them. No wonder, I wanted to make lemonade. I didn’t want to admit that a lot of the “lemons” on my tree of doings had pretty much gone rotten.
After reviewing the email, I went mud-stomping with Callie dog in the woods. The hilly terrain got my heart beating and I exclaimed to the trees with delight, “I’m breathing again!” That’s when I realized I was no saint of patience. I’d been tolerating. I’d hunkered down with the power-outage (no small bit of symbolism there) and decided to wait until circumstances handed me an oxygen mask.
Tolerating is imprisonment. It makes the spirit hover safely beyond the body, makes the mind crazy and the heart numb. Tolerating is not patience.
Tolerating is breath that is just shallow enough to get by.
Patience allows for deep satisfying breaths.
Tolerating is fearful inaction, constriction.
Patience is love and expansiveness.
Tolerating is a wicked ingrown hair of control.
Patience is free flowing surrender.
Tolerating is self-negation and has very little to do with self-love though it may have a lot to do with what appears to be self-preservation.
When I highlighted the key points in my rant, I discovered what I was tolerating. I discovered what I want through what I don’t want. I discovered new possibilities. Now I must also discover my courage.
There’s a huge energetic surge that comes with a rant. That energetic surge can be a wave that trashes us or one we can ride all the way to the joyful shores of our vision. Whereas tolerating leads to utter exhaustion and possible wipeout, patience allows us to become one with the wave.
What are you tolerating?
Next time you feel a rant coming on, write it before you right it.
Suggested steps for writing, and thus, righting your rant:
- Create a safe space for you and others when you rant. It’s not about blame. It’s about what you are no longer willing to tolerate. It’s about your own discovery of what has to change and gathering the courage to create that change.
- Write your rant.
- Put it away for a bit and go for a walk, dance…get your body moving.
- Do something kind to/for you. Receive love, nurturance and warmth.
- Go back and review your rant. Underline or highlight the clues. They may be things you don’t want anymore, something that needs to be said, a new creative outlet that wants to be born.
- Re-form those clues into powerful intentions and write them out as such.
- Chart your plan of action.
- Gather your courage and your allies.
- Begin – one small step is all it takes, one small action. It may be a powerful request you make of another. It may be resigning a position. It may be clearing a space in the home for creative activities. It may be asking for help. Whatever it is, your power will be restored with each step.
Copyright © January 2010, Kathy J Loh, All Rights Reserved
Beautiful use of your imprisonment. Often we need circumstances beyond our control to provide a clearer vision. Control seeming to be a keyword here.
Our habits that control us, our methods of interacting with others, the trivia of our daily lives. Happy that you were provided insight on tolerating?
May you continue to grow and share with us.
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Thanks Patrick. Always love to see your comments. Knowing you are a fellow musician, I am given to curiosity around the play of control and imprisonment in the art of practicing our instrument and the playing/making of music. Thoughts?
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Love this blog, Kathy. I have a dearly loved frenemy, and I thought I was growing in wisdom and love until I actually heard myself pray one day, “Please, God, heal my pain and blame when I think of this misbegotten s.o.S. (Satan. Why blame his mother?) Enlightenment, I realized is more than a step away. Thank heaven for a sense of humor.
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Thanks Sally – “frenemy” that’s a new one on me. You crack me up – thanks for the laugh and thanks for reading. That whole thing about growing in wisdom until….hmm, maybe that’s why coyote made a rare appearance last week too!
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Brilliant work, Kathy, how you took that whole thing and made it something useful for all of us.
Thank for mentioning me; it is always an honor to be a sounding board for you, whether it’s a rant or a song.
Can’t wait to see what bold moves you make from this insight!
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Thanks Cynthia – how can I not be bold now? I have you holding me accountable! (and I’m grateful for that)
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Kathy,
Beautiful. Love how you can hold a mirror to see the depths deep underneath the surface. The awareness in your words is precious. Thank you. Funny I wrote today about numbness too. One of my favorite parts:
“There’s a huge energetic surge that comes with a rant. That energetic surge can be a wave that trashes us or one we can ride all the way to the joyful shores of our vision.”
We often relinquish this power and vision accessible to us if we only listened and owned and honored our feelings.
Ah, thank you!
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Hi Marjory – writing about numbness too? no wonder we connect…same wavelengths. Pulling down from Cosmos what wants to be noticed, wants to be said. Wise words you offer about honoring our feelings.
It strikes me in the moment that to “honor” our feelings is not to be collapsed with over-indulging them. It’s about the respect for how they inform us. Came across a great article last night in Shambala Sun on the gifts of anger. It’s in the latest issue. Check it out. (yet another indicator of what’s in the Cosmic soup)
thanks Marjory!
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Kathy, haha, yes we are connecting, embracing and speaking what is coming through!
Absolutely, to honor is a wiser way of relating to them and getting to the core of the issue, instead of neglecting the messages they kindly (in all their fury) give us. Ah the beautiful oxymorons in life.
I will go and buy this issue today. Thank you and chat later.
Thank you dear Kathy!
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This knocked my socks off: “Tolerating is imprisonment. It makes the spirit hover safely beyond the body, makes the mind crazy and the heart numb. Tolerating is not patience.”
I’ve been doing that with a “frnemy” (Sally’s word rocks!) – I’m going to go do some writing and highlighting! Great post!
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Hey Karen! I hope by now you’ve got your socks back on and they are warming your toes! So glad this got you fired up about your frenemy (yay Sally) – have a blast of a rant! Keep me posted.
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Kathy, Your post grabbed me. Like Karen, I was taken by this phrase, “Tolerating is imprisonment. It makes the spirit hover safely beyond the body, makes the mind crazy and the heart numb. Tolerating is not patience.”
I’m going to take your wise words and write my rant. We’ll see where it takes me.
Blessings,
Julie
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Hi Julie – it’s fascinating to know which lines have the greatest impact on people. When I wrote that section, I was riding on a wave of passion; an energetic surge that felt more like something wanting to be said than something I had to say. Your feedback and that of others helps me to continue to trust what comes through. Thanks for letting me know. Would also love to know, if you are willing, what comes of your rant. Thank you thank you thank you.
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Wonderful post, Kathy! So glad to ‘meet’ you!
Mike.
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Thanks Mike – sweet of you to stop by. Thanks again for the photography info!
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Beautiful. I am finally in touch with my self enough to recognize (usually) my need to rant. I actually identify the fact that “what follows is a rant”. This allows the recipient of my rant to bask in full disclosure and just let me go. Understanding my self and the occasional need to release that ranting brings has been to helpful if not healthy. Thank you for sharing a great rant story. I am enjoying the sharing that you provide.
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