This is a post specifically written for Karen Caterson’s blog (which is always a great read BTW) round robin: Support Stories – Strength from Within. Thanks for inviting me to participate Karen! (Click on the link to see more stories, poems and posts on the topic by other bloggers)
When a tree is a sapling, it may be given some additional and external support. It may need stakes, ties and even deer guard to give it a chance to become the giant it was born to be. Over time, if all goes well, the tree outgrows the stakes. The branches reach high enough to evade foraging deer. Its root system grows deep and wide, bringing it nourishment from the ground. A strong trunk supports the wide canopy that drinks in sunlight. A tree wants to live. That’s an assumption I make. It will do all it can to survive in the densest of shade and the driest of soil. It wants to live.
There was a point in my life, not long ago, (ok, about 6 years ago) when I came to a cross-roads. I wasn’t sure I could go on much longer feeling so much emotional pain. I entertained the notion of suicide without really contemplating it. I was aware that I could let the big wind that entered my life completely uproot me or I could let a branch or two snap off, bend with the winds that blew, send a taproot deeper into a still place and make my stand. In one inspired moment, I chose the latter. Despite the pain, the complete uncertainty about my future (especially financially), I wanted to live. I wanted to create something new, find out what I was made of, maybe, eventually, find new love. I had a faint glimmer of hope that I’d make it to a better day.
That’s the thing about hope. It’s like a homeopathic remedy. It only takes the essence of hope, the faintest hint of hope to keep us going.
As I applied the essence of hope daily, I began to develop a relationship with myself, with nature and the Divine. I came to appreciate the gift of Mystery and the way in which we can navigate the unknown with Love. I filled the empty hole of feeling unappreciated and broken with a deep regard for the sacredness of all of life, mine included.
It meant giving up any notion of being rescued. It meant giving up suffering like a martyr.
Victims wait to be rescued.
Martyrs go through all kinds of tap dancing to suffer in silence (with a few deep sighs) and then get angry when no one notices all they have sacrificed for others.
Victims and martyrs are waiting for something outside themselves to support them. They’ve let the stakes, ties and deer fencing become their (illusory) prisons. I know. I’m an “ex-con.”
Here’s the thing; once we commit to something, all of reality (and that which is unseen) conspires to support us.
If we are playing footsies with victim and martyr, we will be supported there too. We will create relationships with unwritten co-dependent contracts acting out roles of heroes and villains.
We make choices and those choices create our reality. What reality have you created?
What reality will you create now?
Some trees in The Forest of Nisene Marks State Parkgrow at right angles. They were tossed sideways in the Loma Prieta earthquake of 1989 and then continued their upward growth toward the sun.
I don’t know anyone who hasn’t been tossed sideways by some kind of earthquake in their lives. We can live sideways and consider it over or reach for the warmth and light. It’s a choice.
I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying it’s hard.
I am saying, stop waiting for someone to come to the rescue. Chances are if you are not loving and nurturing yourself, you won’t have an open enough heart to receive the help when it’s offered anyway.
You are your own hero (and your own villain). It’s an inside job.
When it feels like all the world’s got you in a spin and circumstances are chaotic, when you feel lonely and like you don’t belong, what to do? Be still. Breathe. Find your center. Send that taproot even deeper, let your canopy dance in the passing breeze. There’s a lot of space between you and all that is happening. Observe. Rest. Be with your genuine emotions raw and real as they are and pan the story. At least tell a new one.
I’ve created a strong sense of inner support by way of connecting with nature, the Divine, my own heart. Here are some of my practices with some selected resources. They are practices because there is no arrival, simply the daily devotion.
- Daily Journal (I began in 1992, with morning pages from The Artist’s Way)
- Insight Meditation ( many lovely options available from Sounds True)
- Contemplative meditation (where I focus on a specific query)
- Tarot (Tarot of the Spirit and Lightning Spiral at Pacific Mystery School)
- Angel Cards (Doreen Virtue’s Healing with the Angels)
- Soul’s Dream Mandala Tour (WholeIQ) note: in about 7 months, I will be guiding these as well
- Working with, being with, my emotions, without story (Lucid Living)
- Deep Listening (began with Pauline Oliveros’ work and expanded into my own)
- Hikes, walks in nature
- Nature photography (for me, this creates intimacy with the natural world)
- Singing, chanting (Yoga of the Voice, Sound Voice and Music Healing at CIIS)
- Internal board of directors dialogs with body, mind, spirit, and heart (make it up)
- Reiki (Reiki.org) note: as a Reiki Master I am able to instruct/attune others as well as offer Reiki sessions
- Shamanic Journeys (Sandra Ingerman; Foundation for Shamanic Studies)
- Saying “I love you” to me (prior post)
- Dream journaling and analysis
- Grounding (there’s a video below that will guide you through a simple grounding technique)
Wow, that’s a lot of external resources for developing inner strength. Like I said before, it’s an inside job and it is the commitment to the inner work that brings the support of a friendly world to your doorstep.
Enjoy dear ones!
If you have something you’d like to add to the list, feel free to leave a comment with your practices for creating strength from within.
Ready to receive some help with that inside job? Email me at kathyloh@coachkathy.com and we can set up a conversation about how I might be able to be of service to you.
If you are ready for radical transformation of your inner world (which will have a delightful impact on your external world) then you are ready for a Sacred Life Walkabout with me. Let’s talk!
Copyright © November 2010, Kathy J Loh, All Rights Reserved
I am SO glad you chose to live, Kathy!
The lessons we get when we compare ourselves to trees – wow! love this!!
Thanks so much for sharing this inside info on working that inside job! And for the big smile I’ve got on my face from the photo and what you said about being an “ex-con” – lol!!
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at first glance i read, “it’s an insight job” … works well, too, i think =)
“We will create relationships with unwritten co-dependent contracts acting out roles of heroes and villains.”
oh, the truth in that, kathy. how often do we find ourselves thinking that we are acting out either one or the other, as if there is no in between? i’ve spent a great deal of my life attempting one or the other, or being in complete apathy of it all.
this inside (or insight) job is so necessary to make the choice to live. otherwise we feel like there is no choice. it’s those moments of looking within to see the roots, the flesh, the branches, reaching for the sunlight, even when we thought we were retreating for shade, that shed light on this great choice we have. the insight of choice. the inside of life.
beautiful post, kathy! so glad you’re sharing your strength from within!
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yes. yes. yes. there is such beauty and truth here Kathy.
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Kathy, I love that you shared with us the various practices you use to connect with your inner support. I sometimes think that people who know themselves well simply come by it naturally, but I usually find out later that they have a lot of practices that they employ extensively to get them to that place.
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Mmmmm…I love the way you use those right-angled trees as a metaphor here–I’m going to remember that one!
What you said about being able to find support for the victim and martyr roles as easily as for the “sink your taproot deeper” approach really caught my attention, too. It’s like the old saying, “Be careful what you ask for, because you might get it.” 🙂
It’s a wise and helpful insight that I will also remember.
Great to “meet” you, Kathy, and yes, I’m glad you made the choice to stick around!
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You are your own hero (and your own villain). It’s an inside job.
this makes me sing
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Thank you for this Kathy,
Sometimes it seems as though we live parallel lives… it’s a bit mind-blowing.
I am in very similar circumstances myself, and feeling very unsure about where I’m headed.
I too have found strength in various spiritual practices, and music, but I am so looking forward to checking out your links.
I wish you many blessings on your journey and I know that we will both find our way. That taproot is key.
Jenny
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Dear Karen, Dian, Kylie, Danette, Michelle, Jenny and Jane. You all grace me with your presence. Thank you for taking the time to read the post and leave your own beautiful thoughts. As we head into Thanksgiving, I can certainly say that I give thanks for women like you.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me as well as your appreciations. Thank you, Karen, for creating this inspirational blog round robin. xo xo
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there is so much fruit on this tree, i hardly know where to start. first, i love your analogy of a tree. fits perfectly.
no, my REAL first: i’m glad you choose life. the world just wouldn’t be the same without you.
love your relatable descriptions of martyrs and victims. i’ve been both and am related to women who elevate both to an art form. right now, i’m researching a book, pulling together theories, crafting my own theory based on what i’ve witnessed, what i’ve lived, what i’ve read and heard about what keeps people in the victim chair and what catapults others from the victim seat. ideas? would love to talk to you more about that. (it’s a family issue.)
thanks for sharing your practices and the meditation. i just bought a new set of tarot cards to add to my way too plentiful collection. these seem to resonate with me, though, seem to speak to me. i’m away and left them at home, though, so i can’t tell you the name of them. i just happened upon them on a recent trip, and they virtually leapt off the shelf into my arms. always a good sigh, right?
kathy, you are a treasure. an absolute treasure.
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Jeanne – you are a treasure as well and this month I’m celebrating having met you a year ago, via our blogs. Your book sounds fascinating and needed and, of course, I’d love to talk with you about it.
love and hug
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Thank you so much for sharing this story. It arrived on the right time.
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Oh, Kathy – this is wonderful! I was just checking to make sure that older links were still working for posts on the Support Stories round robin (coz, you know – those darned holidays are coming again) and here I am, touched to the core AGAIN by your writing. Thank you, thank you!!! ❤
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Karen, can you believe it has been three years? And your comment and revisiting of this post is, of course, perfect timing. I am in the midst of another level of wholeness and integration around this same topic. Sometimes, we think we didn’t learn anything and are just repeating the same lessons. But, I think that as we evolve, we understand things in a new way and we embody out understanding more fully. It is another cycle, another point, on the same spiral. I haven’t written a whole lot in the blog over the past two years, but I am about to pick it up again. So fun to have you be part of the catalyst to do so. Thanks!
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What you wrote: “another point on the same spiral” – I SO believe that, Kathy! Funny, I haven’t written much lately on my blog either, but am feeling ready now! Here’s to blogging again – and coming around to another point on that ole spiral – and to you & I moving in similar paths again! ❤
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I will definitely toast to that, Karen! Clink!!
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