I was in conversation with a couple of friends the other day and one of them said she knew she was at a crossroads in her life, but she felt like she was sitting in a folding chair at that crossroads, not ready to choose a direction, not to mention a final destination.* I am reminded of the Robert Frost poem, The Road Not Taken, and that he made a choice, presuming he could return and try the other path one day, but as he discovered, every choice point leads us to another and there really is no return. If you have ever gone back to your hometown, you know this. Nothing stays the same waiting for our return.
Many of us Baby Boomers, as we are called, are at a crossroads after having experienced others over the years; college or not, marriage or live together, children or not, divorce or stay, relocate , this job or that. Now we find ourselves at a shared crossroads that has been called the Encore Years or our Third Act.
Many of us were young idealists during the Vietnam War era. We thought anyone over 30 was not to be trusted. We were wise beyond our years and more naïve than we knew. We’d only been on the planet for 15 to 25 years (well, this time around), but we felt so grown up. (“Ah, but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.”**) This was our beginning and the road we thought we were on was marked by the sign post Change the World.
But, (screeching halt, right hand turn), we hit a crossroads as we reached our 30s, that “untrustworthy” age, and we began to chase after the American dream of another sort, homes, money, families, symbols of safety, security and comfort. Maybe you didn’t and that’s OK, but most of us did. Our idealism was funneled into joining certain political parties, contributing time and/or money to non-profits, following a guru, taking weekend personal growth workshops or haunting the self-help aisles of bookstores.
As we approach our retirement years, our children creating their own families, we find our time and mental space is freed up. We are feeling new (or abandoned) desires emerging or re-emerging. What got left behind? What went underground or became a hobby? Was it the artist, the researcher, the adventurer, the tree hugger, the idealist philosopher? We have become the elders and some say that many of us only incarnated for the work we are up to now in our later years – to co-create a new paradigm, participate in the Big Shift.
Elders? Yes! I’m not talking about shuffling off to a retirement home and watching TV in your studio apartment all day. I’m talking about wise mentors, guides, creators. I’m not talking about pontificating at a family gathering as everyone rolls their eyes: there goes grandpa again. I’m talking about wise elders with a resonance of being that is grounded, present, trustworthy as well as actions that are in complete alignment with your soul’s calling. That calling may be difficult to hear beneath the cynical or hopeless chatter of a weary ego that has decided long ago that anything outside its comfort zone is unattainable. It takes willingness and courage to stop, pull out that folding chair and sit a spell, be quiet, listen deeply with great patience and curiosity.
For many, the crossroads is the result of being downsized, failing health, empty nesting, retiring from a long-time career, divorce, widowhood. For others it is the simple question that won’t leave them in peace: “Is this all there is?” A sense of urgency can accompany it, especially if you are 60 and older. It’s a completely different question from the one of our youth, “what do I want to be when I grow up?” It’s more like: “ I’m grown up and closer to my end, but I might very well have a good number of years yet to live and contribute. What still wants to happen for me to know I’ve lived a good and meaningful life and can die with few or no regrets?”
And that is the crossroads you may come to face; the one where you can choose to continue the rest of your days in a comfort zone of the familiar or embark on an adventure into unknown territory, uncertain of the outcome, becoming more familiar with an unfamiliar you. When I say an adventure, I am not saying that you must change everything in your life. Your life may look exactly the same in form and situation, but how you perceive it, whom you are as you are living it, even how you perceive the life you have lived so far, will be different and everyone will notice.
So, I suggest that when you find yourself at a crossroads, you take your time and pull out that folding chair. There is much to be done in the sitting. I think we all too often are propelled onto a path to avoid the discomfort of being present to our inner world and our soul’s requests. It’s so much easier and so much more familiar to just get busy doing something again. Instead, take time to be still, to review and celebrate. Heck yes, celebrate! Get out of that chair sometimes and dance around with joy for the life you have lived so far and who you had to be to live it. No one gets this far without a bruised and battered heart and that heart, broken so wide open, is raring to dance.
This is the work that my clients do with me on my year-long Walkabouts. We stand, we sit, we dance at the crossroads together. We take a look back and see what needs your attention. We recontextualize your past. You set down the burdens carried to this point and make a commitment to travel lightly. We laugh, we cry, we celebrate and a new story of your life emerges. This is the truer story that can carry the more real and soulful you forward, whereas the old story might have weighed you down.
You’ll spend some time sitting in the folding chair, or a granite boulder, or on a meditation cushion, listening, contemplating, becoming deeply intimate with you, the beating of your heart, the power of your breath, the stirrings of your soul, your radiant essence, your wild nature. This sitting becomes something that gets woven into your journey of transformation. It is a time of ambiguity, of not knowing and getting more comfortable with that. It is a time where you begin to surprise yourself and discover the sheer pleasure of being a beginner again as you vision and fashion what and how you want to use your wisdom and gifts in the years ahead.
Bring your folding chair along as you embark in your chosen direction. There will be other times you will want to sit a spell while traveling further and further onto the frontiers of your thinking, your emotions, expanding your energy and your world, exploring beyond the familiar and comfortable box that has so neatly contained you all these years. This internal and external exploration begins to weave a tapestry and that tapestry is the very fabric of the new you who now engages in their world in a profoundly new way. Not so oddly enough, that means the world engages with you in a profoundly new and magical way as well.
I call my path the Wisdom Path. What path calls to you?
Discover your unique path on a year long Walkabout with me. I invite you to contact me at kathyloh@coachkathy.com We’ll set up a phone conversation where I will answer your questions and we can explore whether or not this is the right step for you at this time, as well as whether or not we make good companion explorers. I am only accepting 6 Walkabout clients in 2014, so it this calls to you, contact me soon.
* The metaphor of a folding chair at the crossroads was attributed by my friend to Stephen Cope, but I have been unable to locate an exact quote.
** From the song My Back Pages written by Bob Dylan, made popular by The Byrds.
Copyright © Dec 2, 2013, Kathy J Loh All Rights Reserved
This essay of yours definitely resonates for me, age 57. I finished a book last spring on what hospice patients talked with me about as their chaplain, and beat the odds when a commercial publisher accepted the book just weeks ago. Also brand-new for me is blogging at http://offbeatcompassion.wordpress.com/
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Hi Karen – thanks for stopping by the Full Moon Path. I appreciate hearing about your work, your book
and your blog. I’ve already been over to check it out, as you know. Always great to meet new people here.
See you again soon, I hope.
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Your words touched me deeply today. I feel my Soul stirring and calling me to slow down.. sit for a spell and listen. Thank you for beautifully articulating the change I am in, and the calling many of us who are boomers, are facing.
If you are considering a Walkabout with Kathy, I can highly recommend the journey with her. She has an amazing rapport with nature and is gifted with the wisdom found in many ancient traditions, bringing a depth of insight and a warm heart to her work.
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Hi Jeanine – thanks for the beautiful recommendation. I am pleased that the post touched you.
It makes the writing worth while, to know it carries meaning for others. xo
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Hi Kathy! That was great reading. Thank you. One of the paths I have decided to take involves 12 step programs. I discovered two for myself in the last 3 years: al anon and OA (over eaters anonymous.) They are wonderfully warm and wise, spiritual programs. I have been frantically looking for a yoga studio to go to (paradoxical) and then decided to just light a candle in my bedroom and do some of the asanas I learned in the 70s. God Bless You and those you love. I look forward to more great reading. Love Linda
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Hi Linda – great to hear from you. Sounds like you are doing wonderful things. You made
me smile with the “frantic” “yoga” connection. Blessings to you too!
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Wowyou made such good use of our conversation! Loved reading it. Love you, Elaine
From: Full Moon Path Reply-To: Full Moon Path Date: Mon, 2 Dec 2013 22:01:52 +0000 To: Elaine Jaynes Subject: [New post] Baby Boomers at the Crossroads
WordPress.com Kathy Loh posted: “I was in conversation with a couple of friends the other day and one of them said she knew she was at a crossroads in her life, but she felt like she was sitting in a folding chair at that crossroads, not ready to choose a direction, not to mention a fina”
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Love you too Elaine and thanks for the inspiration!
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