Posts Tagged ‘Cycles’

Today, my love for mystery is bumping up against my archetypal victim.

Phooey on evolution and new ways of thinking and being.

Phooey on dreams and visions that require me to be more vulnerable.

Phooey on cleaning up, empowered relationships, and mastery.

And double phooey on social media upkeep.

The only thing that soothes me is the comfort of nature. That, and food; gooey sticky tummy-filling comfort food. Oh,  music too.  If I think about it, I’m speaking “womb;”  surrounded by good energy, well held and well fed while listening to the rhythm of the heart and singing of  blood as it’s pumped through the veins.

I’m floating in the void; at one and the same time comfortable and extremely frustrated.

When I am in this in-between space and in the grip of “victim,” I find myself waiting to be rescued. I’m hoping that the next email, the next phone call, the next mail delivery will bring me a pleasant surprise. I’m hoping that this next trip into town will yield a chance encounter that turns golden. Sometimes, it does. I will get an email inquiry from a potential client, checks in the mail or make a new connection. But most days it’s just bills and junk mail and a bag of groceries in the back of the car.

Where is my knight in shining armor?

Where is Publisher’s Clearinghouse with my million-dollar check?

Waiting to be rescued is a sign that I don’t want to take responsibility for my life, my visions, my happiness. Responsibility feels punishing; like really hard work with high odds of failure. Well, at least that’s how my victim sees it.

I’m rattled by the mess that the fallen oak tree left. No one is stacking firewood. No one is cleaning up the limbs that are dangling from the trees that were slammed by oak on its way down. No one cares about the huge pile of dead boughs. To top it off, the wind carried a big bright blue plastic bag into the center of the whole scene as if to garishly announce  “trash heap.”

These thoughts followed me out to the hiking trail.

The view from my window is not what it once was. It’s not what it will be. It is what it is. I don’t want to take responsibility for it and I want it to be a certain way.

My life is not what it once was. It’s not what I imagine it will be. It is what it is. I don’t want to take responsibility for it, but I sure as heck want to control it.

Video still

Snake (Kathy Loh)

And that’s the moment in my rant that a snake and I came face to boot on the hiking trail. It was a striped racer, not a threat, and a great reminder of the process of transformation and rebirth.  When snake sheds its skin, its eyes cloud over. My eyes are clouded. I can’t see. I’m shedding my old skin. It doesn’t feel good.

In my old life, I did things the hard way. I suffered to earn reward, love, and worthiness. Responsibility was a burden. Discipline was like living in eternal boot camp. I was hard on myself. OK, I think I was actually darn cruel to myself at times.

Who I am becoming is self-nurturing, inspired by Love to walk the path of Beauty, a dancer in the Great Mystery, truly enchanted by life. To this evolving me, responsibility is the “ability to respond” and discipline is “being a disciple to.”

I want to remember  (re-member) what makes me happy and be a disciple to my passions. I want to be able to respond to the winds of change. I want to know and speak the language of the heart.

This experience of floating in the void, this bumping up against like the incoming and outgoing tides, that feels like I’m going nowhere, this shedding of skin and waiting for the new to dry; waiting…waiting….waiting…is full of tension.

This tension is pure creative energy.

I know I am in a deeply creative process and I’m itching for resolution.

I suspect that powerful re-solutions arise in their own time and are not especially responsive to control.

So, I set down control and I surrender to creative chaos.

I allow myself to be enchanted by the mystery of it all.

I am grateful to snake for the reminder that I am re-minding from brain to heart and that it is a process that knows its own timing.


Phooey on control.

Phooey on making things hard.

Phooey on waiting to be rescued.

Uhm, except …

I’d still gladly accept that prize from Publishers Clearing House.

Copyright (c) November 2009, Kathy J Loh, all rights reserved

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The long days of summer are over. Fall has arrived, if not in your backyard, then at least, on your calendar. The Autumnal and Vernal (spring) equinoxes are the two times a year when the length of the day and the length of the night are more or less equal.

The weather, fickle as it always is, is less reliable than the angle of the sun when it comes to knowing Fall has arrived. It snowed in Denver the other day and then returned to a sunny 70 degrees. There are deluges in Georgia and heat waves in California.

Some will know it’s Fall by the return of football season, children returning to school and the final race to the world series in baseball.

What tells me it’s Autumn is the gray and black squirrels (newborn last Spring) scampering about the oaks gathering acorns. The Jays and the Acorn Woodpeckers are competing for the same booty and then burying it the ground or  hammering into the telephone pole. The persimmons are turning orange. I am going to bed earlier and awakening a bit later as the nights grow longer.

Persimmons (Kathy Loh)

Persimmons (Kathy Loh)

Ancient cultures made monuments to honor the solstices. That we make meaning from this time is built upon the wisdom of the ages. How we make meaning is personal and cultural.

In general it is known as a time of harvest. The harvest invites gratitude and the observation that we reap what we sow.  With the shortening and cooling of the days comes the natural desire to hibernate by slowing down, reflecting, preparing.

Just as those squirrels gather their bounty for the winter, we can take time to reflect upon how well we’ve lived our year to this point, what needs cleaning up and completion and how we want to prepare for a new cycle that begins at Winter Solstice.

As we are in the sun sign of Libra, the perspective of balance between the dark and light, balance of polarities, is especially poignant. I had a wonderful call with a client today that illustrates how we can work with polarities with one simple question that accommodates “and.”  As we explored her vision of her most robust future, she mentioned both adventure and living at a relaxed pace. She then laughingly wondered how she could have both. At first glance we assume adventure and relaxation to be contradictory. Curiosity offers another perspective. I asked her what it would be to be in relaxed adventure? A new doorway opened.

I invite you to take something you are playing with as either-or, that creates a black and white debate in your mind, and write your own inquiry similar to the one above. The Autumnal Equinox may well infuse your contemplation with balanced energy.

Another Autumnal sign and energy is that of Scorpio. Scorpio is all about the sting, the transmutation of energy, initiation. It’s a great time to reconnect with the soul and inquire as to your soul’s purpose. It’s a good time to heal old wounds, create alignment in your chakras.  You might like to meditate upon the chakras, do some chakra chanting, work with a healer, shaman or spiritual coach/guide to facilitate these processes.

Finally, many of us have been busy discarding old items, clearing out closets and garages, clearing our very hearts of clutter and things we no longer need. It turns out this is natural energy to feel this time of year. The Autumnal Equinox encourages it. As we head toward the nadir of the Winter Solstice, as we head toward the end of the year, it is natural for us to assess the path we’ve walked the past 9 months and release that which no longer serves. It is also natural to begin to prepare for the upcoming year, the beginning of a new cycle at the Winter Solstice when the days begin to grow longer again and the energy is just turning toward expansion.

You might like to assess your year so far and ask:

What will you claim and celebrate?

What will you release?

What feedback or learning are you taking with you to prepare for your next adventure?

What seeds will you gather for next year’s crop?

How does your heart wish to express gratitude?

Then pick one and follow through in some way that resonates with you.

Happy Equinox dear ones!

A nod and apology for my northern perspective to the Southern Hemisphere where they are experiencing their Vernal Equinox – may your Spring be abundantly joyful!

Copyright(c) September 2009, Kathy J Loh, All Rights Reserved

Resource (book) for ritual: Nature-Speak by Ted Andrews

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Full moon today

Full moon and a lunar eclipse

What do I know about the full moon? I know that I love the light it casts upon the landscape at night…both the light and the shadows. I know that I love how it floods into my bedroom through the skylights. I know that it comes and goes in its own time and I have no control over it.

My Tibetan/English-Qi Gong-Magical Energy-Worker friend, Pemma, wrote in an email that “today’s full moon is known as the Thunder Moon or the Hay Moon. Thunder moon because it’s the season of thunderstorms … so metaphorically if things have been particularly stroppy for you, be reassured that you will soon be out of this phase.” She goes on to point out that we can consciously use the energy of thunder to push through things.

When I posted this to Facebook, other friends responded: Suzanne wrote that this “full moon is also known as Mead Moon, for celebrating the reaping of the first harvest — a time for appreciating accomplishments and choosing those to expand…”

Angela wrote that it’s “also the Buck Moon, the Native American name for when the new antlers of buck deer push out of their foreheads.”

What I notice is common to all of these attributes is that they speak to cycles; to endings and beginnings. Beyond the normal association of cycles with the moon, these particular attributes speak to the time of year, the time when the first crops are harvested, fledglings are flying, young ones are maturing, insects and reptiles are shedding shells and skins. The quail chicks have hatched and we celebrate their arrival even as the shell of the egg whose arrival was at one time celebrated is now discarded.

For something to expand, it needs to push outward, upward, through. It needs to claim or be given space. For the next generation of a crop to have room to grow, the first fruits need to be harvested, need to be cut away, cut back, up-rooted. Fawn gives way to yearling, gives way to its adult potential and antlers reach skyward, pushing through skin.

On my walk today, I found a hollow shell of something that, at first, I thought might be a baby rattlesnake rattle, but it isn’t. It is an exuvia of some creature; the home for something that outgrew it. Something moved on and left the empty shell of what it no longer needed behind; left it there to disintegrate into the dirt, blow away with the wind. Most of us keep our empty-shell-pasts in boxes in the garage, in our unconscious habits, in our energy fields.

Full Moon Lake Tahoe (c) Kathy Loh

Full Moon Lake Tahoe (c) Kathy Loh

What we perceive to be the cycles of the moon teach us that expansion and contraction are part of wholeness and are not in opposition to one another. The full moon gives way to the new moon gives way to the full moon and it all has to do with lighting, reflection and our perception. It is always the whole of the moon.

When we forget it’s a cycle, we become fearful. We go linear. We see our lives as a kind of timeline that has credit (expansion) and deficit (contraction) and we judge credit as good and deficit as bad. We call expansion abundant and contraction scarcity. We hold them as opposites, even competitors and we forget they are all one cycle, one whole.

When we are walking a linear timeline with the “good times” and “bad times” we set ourselves up for disappointment. We begin to create crafty means for attempting to control and restrict the periods of contraction while we look for ways to control and sustain the periods of expansion.Can you say struggle?

There are cycles that delight us, like the seasons, and cycles we find less enchanting, like how the house needs cleaning, or the laundry needs washing, again. There are cycles that keep us alive, like our heartbeat and breathing.

All around us, things are ebbing and flowing. The moon pulls upon the tides. Time pulls upon the rose. Nothing is still and we can always depend on the fact that things are in constant movement, in a perpetual state of change. I find this rather fascinating given how we often imagine and complain that nothing is changing and we feel stuck or terminally bored. I make up that this happens when we are more interested in getting somewhere than in noticing and celebrating who we are and where we’ve been on our journey.

We need to receive the fruits of our labors and celebrate expansion even at that very moment where it is tipping over into contraction again. If we fear contraction, we fill our garages with might-need-it-again-someday, might-want-to-be-that-person-again-someday stuff. We horde the harvest and dampen our celebration.

If we fear the tension of pushing through, outward and upward, we stunt our growth. We become fearful of taking up too much space. We may even remain small and neatly contained in the shadow of larger bodies, like the moon or sun eclipsed.

What larger bodies might you be allowing to eclipse you, to cast a shadow over your light far beyond what is cyclically appropriate?

Astrologer Risa D’Angeles wrote that the eclipse of today’s full moon is the first of 3 eclipses this summer:  “July 7 (lunar eclipse, Full Moon), July 21st (blue moon, new moon, solar eclipse), and August 5 (lunar eclipse, Full Moon). Triple sets of eclipses will continue until the year 2020. We know eclipses bring an end to both inner (solar eclipses) and outer (lunar eclipses) realities.”

So here we go, lunar eclipse, solar eclipse, lunar eclipse…outer reality shifts, inner reality shifts, outer reality shifts – more cycles, more endings. As changes occur inwardly and outwardly, we are bound to feel some tension, especially if we see it as linear rather than cyclical; if we forget to perceive wholeness.

Let’s call upon some of that thunder energy, of which Pemma spoke, to consciously respond to and match the restless energy of creative becoming.  And when it comes time to be still and go within, rest. Rest creates rich compost.

Expand and contract

Inhale and Exhale

Receive and Give

All one, all whole…

And all a cause for celebration.

*extra note: For some wonderful artwork and ideas for you to explore with visual creativity around the Buck Moon theme, check out Leah Piken Kolidas’ blog Creative Every Day.

Copyright(c) July 2009, Kathy J Loh, All Rights Reserved

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