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“It’s not that we fear the unknown. You cannot fear something that you do not know. Nobody is afraid of the unknown. What you really fear is the loss of the known.” Anthony de Mello

Today marks one year since I moved into my place in the Sierra foothills. What a difference a year makes. I’ve traveled the four seasons here and landed back at Winter and snow again. For the most part, as long as my power stays on (I’m on a well, so it is a big deal), I am enchanted by the snow; its beauty and sublime quiet.

But, before I landed here, I had to make the decision to leave dear friends and a place I knew well that was fairly temperate, beautiful and convenient. Looking back, I find it amazing that I suffered with enough anxiety to upset my gallbladder and my sleep for two weeks before and after making the decision. What you will read below, in italics, is what I wrote a year ago November, but never published. On this first anniversary of living in my new home, it makes sense to take a look back and check in on how it feels to have made the leap. I’ll comment more on this at the end.

copyright(c)dec2013 Kathy J Loh

November 2012

I’m facing a challenge and I don’t need to give you the details, because you will likely recognize the dynamics no matter the particles. The questions are similar when we face decisions about career change, whether or not to have a child, moving, buying, selling, marriage, divorce.

When there is a challenge, I know I am at my edge, my personal frontier of movement. I enjoy traveling the frontiers of my thinking, but in physical reality, where everything is a commitment of form and solidity, I am slow to move.

Indecision is a pathway to decision and it is a detour. It depends on how you work with it.

In our multi-dimensional personality, many voices participate. Some truth is spoken by each as well as lies. I am bedeviled by the Trickster. I want to know before knowing is possible. I want “beyond the edge” to be fairly predictable and it is not.

While the heart loves and works its magic, the mind begins to question in response to the threatened body. I would be at the mercy of my mind’s paralyzing spin if I was unable to discern the energies behind the words I think. What is their source? To what are they responding?

When my heart feels sadness for leaving something, someone, or some way of being, behind, my mind wants to solve the emotional dilemma by telling me I didn’t like that thing, that person, that behavior anyway. It uses its “make wrong” technology to lighten a heavy heart. But, all it does is darken my spirit and fog my vision.

Let me simply grieve. Let me feel deeply the impact of my attachments.

Most of us really don’t change or make changes in our lives until it becomes too painful not to. I certainly hold a lot of compassion around that. We put our dreams on hold indefinitely, thinking there is always tomorrow. I hold a lot of compassion around that too.

The frontier, out beyond our edges, is vast and full of infinite possibility. It is where our dreams await us. We have, in our imaginations and desires, seeded that frontier with all we need to call us forward. What is left is for us to have the courage to leave our outgrown self-images, our old identities and old beliefs behind. We need the courage to face and be with the emotional impact of the chaos that is created by stepping over the edge; that line in the sand drawn by fear. The consciousness of the You that lives in that future already has different beliefs and identities. It has already discovered new ways. You know that, because you’ve seen it in your visions and felt it in your bones even if your personality/ego of today is blind and resistant.

First we dream and dreaming is not enough. It’s time to have the courage and take some form of action.

And so, using my free will, I enter what my current ego self perceives as “the chaos,” wave at the gatekeepers as I step beyond my edge of comfort and current knowledge.

And that is where I left off when I filed the notes away on my computer saving them for a possible blog post that, until now, never again saw the light of the computer screen.

The dilemma was, of course, whether or not to move. More than that, it was whether or not to give myself that long-cherished dream of being what one acquaintance called, a “mountain angel,” living among tall trees on a good chunk of property.

So, how did I fare after I waved to the gatekeepers and made the leap? I was blissfully happy my first several months here. I remember telling everyone that I have never been happier in my life. I don’t know what it was, but I was lifted beyond my expectations. Maybe it was the snow, the elevation, the newness, the proximity of Tahoe and the Sierra Buttes. Maybe it was my local friends and one in particular who keeps me active with snow shoeing and hiking.

Mostly, I suspect that exhilaration is what we feel when we step out into the unknown, because that frontier is the territory of heart and soul and it has been calling for a long time. When we respond to that call, we are received with “welcome home.”

———————————-

What calls to you? If you have a tough decision to make, if you have been putting off your cherished dream(s), you will benefit from coaching with me and certainly a one-year walkabout would get you over that edge and well on your way. Everyone needs support. Let’s talk about how I can be that for you. Email me at kathyloh@coachkathy.com and we can set up a time for that conversation.  Don’t wait another moment. Moments add up to years.

Copyright © December 2013, Kathy J Loh, all rights reserved, including images
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“It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.”  – Lady Antebellum (Need You Now)

I had to take my van in for scheduled maintenance and I knew I’d be house-bound for the day, except for wherever I might choose to go on foot. Well, let’s not argue bikes and buses, that’s not the point. I chose to make today one free of the obligation to go anywhere.  I thought I was clearing today to work on some projects and it’s still possible I will do that later.

What I didn’t expect was that my entire system, body, mind, spirit and heart, would seize the opportunity to do a little (or a lot of) integrating and healing. It’s like my system saw the open space coming and the entire assembly line began to whir.

It began with reviewing my post-divorce journey yesterday. (The project I’m working on has to do with that journey.) Those thoughts led to noticing what I really feel about where I live, what I do and what I’ve left behind, including what more there is to leave at the curb.

I had a vivid dream about my ex. I’ll spare you the details (and dream analysis) and will simply say that, in the dream, I held him with huge compassion and love. I wrote about it in my journal and pulled an angel card: Healing. The cards on either side of it being: Forgiveness and Self-acceptance.

Iris - copyright(c) May 2010, K Loh, All Rights Reserved

Iris: symbolizes new birth at hand

In my morning meditation, it occurred to me to offer the same love, compassion and forgiveness to myself that I had offered my ex in my dream.  I did so out loud. Whoever lives in me and carries some sense of unworthiness heard it and sobbed with relief. I felt the guilt and pain dissolve while my cells danced with the light and love of healing forgiveness.

We hold things against ourselves unconsciously. It’s so important to become curious about and intimate with our self-talk. How many times have you heard someone say, “I’m harder on myself than anyone else?” Hello? Is this supposed to earn us some kind of award? No wonder the body hurts, the spirit sinks, the heart cowers and the mind becomes distorted. No wonder. We become so separated from ourselves.

Jump ahead an hour or so and I am home, without a vehicle of the gas-guzzling variety. There’s a sense of solitude about it, kind of like when the power goes out or being snowed in. The spaciousness is visceral. The house feels doubly insulated and there’s a kind of sobriety about the stillness when the mind is not able to run a checklist of all the places I can go to get away from here.

The phone rang, once and then nothing. No caller ID to know who it was. I discovered the garage door was open… (must’ve hit the clicker in my purse when I was reaching for my keys.) How odd, I thought. But then, I get that my own personal garage door of past memories, slights, and embarrassments has been opened wide. I’m shedding light on those old boxes stored away deep inside. Not some glaring construction light that has to do with fixing. Rather a soft dappled sunlight that says “it’s over now. You are safe. You can come out of hiding.”

Then I found myself checking email and catching the odd video link here and there on Twitter and Facebook that catches my fancy. It’s a kind of warmup ritual (that serves double duty of procrastination ritual) for me and it gives me something to post to each stream.  I came across music session videos on Huffington Post and I clicked on Lady Antebellum’s Need You Now.

I was that person at one time and I have had a hard time reconciling with that self and her behavior; the neediness, the addiction to someone, the pain of the attachment, the lack of control that had me make a phone call that only leads to more shame and  pain.  I love the song, bought the CD, but never let myself fully feel it. Today, I was able to watch the video, listen to the words, feel the emotion, recognize it as if looking in a mirror, and not turn away. I can accept that I’ve been there and done that. Really, who hasn’t?

And so, with the help of a dream, a bit of space and time, loving guides, meditation, gentle whispers and winks from the Universe, and Lady Antebellum, I have discovered that my body, mind, spirit and heart have opted to spend the day aligning, integrating and moving toward the next greater wholeness of my being. Who am I to argue with their wisdom?

I took my car to the shop for maintenance. My soul created sacred space for its “vehicle’s” healing and I am re-membering innocence.

What will you re-member today? What disowned part of you gets to come home and rest in the vast loving space of your heart?


copyright (c) May 2010, Kathy J Loh, All Rights Reserved (includes images, but not youtube video)

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I just listed myself on Gwen Bell’s blog for the “Best of 2009” (#best09) event. There is a theme to write about each day, but I suspect, as is my style, I’ll pick and choose themes and will not publish daily.

Here are my responses to the prompts for the first eight days.

I invite you to consider how you might answer these questions as well and write your discoveries in the comments section.  It provides a fun structure for reviewing the year.  This review can, in turn, feed into a powerful intention and release for Winter Solstice on Dec 21st. (More about that in an upcoming post)

December 1st – What was your best trip of 2009?

I am tempted to look at my calendar. One trip shines out in my memory. That is surely the one and yet, wanting to be thorough (ok, perfect) I sift through my memory for others. Surely there were others. I’m always going somewhere. I have friends who begin every phone conversation by asking, “Where are you?” My memory banks are full and it takes considerable effort to line things up sequentially. Consulting the calendar will inform me as to whether an event happened in this year or last.

The shining trip was a Lucid Living retreat entitled  Secrets of Happiness at the Four Seasons Biltmore in Santa Barbara, CA. Exquisite lodging, impeccable service, conscious companions, brilliant material in a beautiful setting with dolphins revealing themselves to me during a particular meditative  beach walk.

breakfast on balcony 4 seasons Aug 09

Balcony Breakfast Four Seasons (K Loh)

December 2nd – Restaurant moment

Uhm…..(stare out the window for awhile, watch a black squirrel scampering through trees)

Uhm….. (see what new tweets are rolling down my Twitter page)

Uhm…(get hungry and go to the kitchen. Gosh, it takes a lot of work to break open the new box of Ferrero Rocher candies.)

Ok – I don’t eat at restaurants much. Oh, but last week , I took my good friend Leslie out for a belated birthday lunch. We tried to go to our favorite Insalatas in San Anselmo, but they’d just stop serving. They directed us to their other restaurant just up the street, Marinitas . We sat by a lovely warm fire and were the only patrons in the place at 2:30 in the afternoon. We ordered from the bar menu and shared two mouthwatering dishes – Mini salmon tostadas with shredded cactus and a Chili Relleno stuffed with 4 cheeses, butternut squash, pumpkin seeds with a delicious green drizzle sauce sprinkled with pomegranate seeds. I wish I had the menu so I could satisfy the “foodies” who might be reading this. We didn’t have much of a conversation beyond “Oh yum” and “This is so good!” The food was savory, sumptuous, downright sensuous. We had to restrain ourselves from licking the plates.

December 3rd – Article (that I read that blew me away and the I consistently reference)

I generally speed read articles. Most do not stick with me. There’s a lightness to articles that always leaves me hungry for something more meaty. One that did have quite an impact on me though, and that I have referenced a couple of times in conversation, was in More Magazine,  Killer Sex: Midlife Women and HIV. As a divorced woman ready to begin dating again, it scared the enthusiasm out of me. It also made me really grateful that my cheating ex-husband showed no interest in me in those final years, as I read of other married women whose husbands brought sexual diseases into their marital bedroom. This is a must read for you married and single women alike. Be informed. Be prepared.

December 4th – Book – what book touched me?

My friend, Karen, gave me Bill Plotkin’s book Nature and the Human Soul. It struck a deep chord in me and I experienced several reactions. The discouraging ones ran like this: “Oh darn, someone has already written about this stuff; someone with a big PhD behind his name; someone who is established and runs retreats.”

The greater part of me felt relieved that someone else knew how I experience the world. My copy is full of stickies indicating the choice quotes. Well, I might as well reference the entire book because that’s how many stickies are in it. Think nature and soul, of course as the title reflects, and add Hero’s Journey, archetypes, cycles, rhythms, rites of passage and you get the idea. Plotkin calls it “ecopsychology.”

December 5th – Night Out (one that rocked my world)

Uhm ….(gosh, I’m staring out the window and getting hungry again)

Do I expose to the world that I don’t have many nights out? There was that drive home at night when I was terrorized by three yahoos in three tricked out dirt trucks. Does that constitute rocking my world?

There are my friends Leslie and Brooks who have welcomed me in their guest room and served me delicious home-cooked meals on multiple evenings over the past couple of years.

And there is that great evening with Alicia and DJ where we hit the spa and then had dinner, sitting at the bar.

Just about any night out rocks my world. No, that’s not true. There was that guy that spoke on non-duality at the local bookstore who nearly put me to sleep. Of course, rocking puts me to sleep. I digress.

You know what rocks my world at night?

It’s the amazing cricket chorus in the summer.

It’s the Great Horned Owls encircling our house and calling to one another.

It’s the full moon shining on me through the skylight as I sleep.

It’s the silhouette of the bobcat sitting at the top of our driveway.

It’s lying bundled up on my lounger gazing at the Milky Way and meteor showers.

Oh and there was the Gretchen Peters concert I went to all alone. That was a rocky adventure for me. I see that December 9th is about a challenge. So I’ll tell you the story in my next post as it certainly was a challenge.

December 6th workshop or conference

Hands down: Lucid Living. I revisited the entire series of weekend seminars that I’d attended 6 years ago and I went to the retreat in Santa Barbara that I mentioned above. Whether it’s for personal growth or further self-development for coaches, I can’t recommend Lucid Living highly enough. I know more of who I am both as human and as spiritual being. I understand that I create my reality. I know what an empowered relationship looks like. I know that Love is the way. I am making distinctions about happiness and its source.

I also did a year-long study of Tarot with Pamela Eakin’s Lightning Spiral Mystery School and absolutely loved it. If you would like to delve more into Tarot, this course is offered online/distance. I highly recommend it.

Finally, it wasn’t all in 2009, but my study of Soul’s Dream with Michele Mchall was a journey I will always cherish and will likely do again. I learned so much about myself and became even more intimate with body, mind, spirit and heart energies and how to align them. Michele coined the term “Whole IQ.” I suspect we’ll be hearing a lot more about this.

I am also enjoying a series of teleconferences Great Integral Awakening. Check it out.

December 7th Blog find of the year

I don’t read many blogs. Not because I don’t like them, but because there are so many amazing blogs, written by writers who are cleaver, brilliant, creative, inspirational, I simply can’t follow them all. To start naming some here would feel like creating a list for a wedding. I am not sure where the close-and–intimate part ends and the go-ahead-and-invite-everyone portion begins. So I’m going to “elope” with apologies to those I love and whom I’d like to promote here.

December 8th Moment of Peace (hour, day, week of solitude)

I’ve had so many incredible moments of peace. Just walking in the woods with a notepad, camera and no time limit leaves me perfectly content and filled with inspiration.

I do a solitude meditation from Lazaris that my coach Jeanine Mancusi gave me. I call in the four elements (air, earth, water, fire) as well as guides and guardians, ask for clues regarding something that’s up for me, and then sink into a deep state of meditation. Sometimes it feels like insight meditation, sometimes like a shamanic journey and others like an internal board of directors meeting.

There’s so much I could write about this, and here’s the bit that knocked my socks off:

One day, after doing this meditation daily for about a week, I was returning from a walk in the woods and I had the most amazing and wonderful experience. I knew that I belonged. I belonged with the woods, with the trees, the earth, the sky, the river, the air we breathe. I knew I belonged in a way that had my solar plexus feel full and shining. I knew I belonged in a way that was fully in me and all around me, but was not to something outside of me. In that moment, I knew that I was home and I belonged, no matter where I found myself. This freed me to be more of who I am than who I thought others wanted me to be. It freed me to be alone without feeling lonely. Yes, I already knew that feeling, and this was something more rich and satisfying. I felt very, very full, which is to say, whole and complete.

I know myself

To be cosmos

And cosmos

To be me.

How can I not belong

Knowing

I

Am?

Copyright(c) December 2009, Kathy J Loh, All Rights Reserved

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“I want to figure out what I’m supposed to do in life!”

A number of my clients come to coaching with this quest. It never fails to arouse my curiosity.

What do you mean by supposed to do?

What would you love (to do)?

That last question gets all kinds of responses from some variant of “I don’t know” to an answer that is quickly discounted with a whole world of blurts that come on the other side of a bridge named “but.”

When we investigate further, we begin to loosen the web of collapses and assumptions which suspends them in a perpetual state of  indecision. In this web are assumptions like: commitment means loss of freedom, work is struggle, play is not work, surrender is giving in, following our bliss is selfish/hedonistic, happiness comes from external circumstances, on and on…(pick your poison).

These clients, like me and maybe like you, long to find their “calling.” They want to feel fulfilled and to find meaning in their lives and they want to be well-used, needed, to be of service in some way. They are intrigued by the notion of following their bliss. At the same time, they want to be certain of their calling before pursuing it. This is usually the giveaway that they have a requirement for controlling the outcome, which is actually expressing some deeper human need for safety, security, belonging, etc.

(c) Kathy J Loh

(c) Kathy J Loh

They are looking for a guarantee that their investment is going to pay off, that magic crystal ball affirmation. This requirement for guarantee can cause no end of procrastination, false starts, disappointment and a great opportunity for the inner critic to belittle and berate.  Any wrinkle in the fabric is gathered for evidence that it’s not a good fit and they were not “meant to do this.”

And what has us imagine we can completely control the outcome anyway?

What kind of dead-end pursuit is that?

How does that assumption constrict possibility and potential?

I understand these things from the inside out, because I’ve experienced (and still do to some extent) the same dilemma. Creative artists can be especially plagued by this, as can healers, adventurers and free spirits.

Do you recognize this in yourself?  If so, consider these questions:

What do you want?

Why do you want that?

What has you believe you need to figure out what it is you are supposed to do?

What if you don’t need to figure it out?

What if there is nothing you are supposed to do and you are actually fully at choice?

What scares you about being fully at choice?

Figuring things out generally happens in the head. Bliss and passion are usually generated from the heart and spirit.

What if you just listened to your heart and spirit and then let your head be the genius planner it is, in service of the heart and spirit?

We are talking trust here. That takes us back to needs. Our needs for safety, security, belonging, etc., are very real. What’s unreal is expecting them to be taken care of by other people or external circumstances. It is this demand we place on others and on things (cars, houses, circumstances) that ensnares us in the trap of needing guarantees to proceed. It leads to procrastination, avoidance and fear of commitment.

We are the only ones who can take care of our own needs.  Only I can create safety, security and belonging for myself. When I do, through loving and nurturing myself, I am much safer (not to mention more fun) to be around. I am not placing that demand on others. I am not trying desperately to control circumstances. I let go of attachment. I also develop a high level of trust in myself.

When I trust myself, I am willing to lean into the Mystery. I can ask God/Goddess for help and know I am met co-creatively. I can follow my bliss without a guarantee, because a guarantee is no longer essential, nor is it even desired anymore. Guarantees leave no room for surprise, imagination, or magic.

When I trust myself, I am willing to be vulnerable and visible in the world. I allow myself to be seen. This is the dance of intimacy. When I am dancing this dance, when I am fully participating in and with life rather than waiting for some magic road to open up and show me the sure highway to happiness, my bliss has an opportunity to find me.

When I follow the call of Spirit and the whispers of Heart, my ever-evolving destiny can see and find me. I am romancing it by believing in it enough to take risks. I am showing I have the courage and the willingness to commit to it, to become a disciple to my soul’s calling.

And yes, the ego experiences a loss of freedom, in a way, when I commit; more on that in my next blog entry.

Until then, give your mind a rest. I’m sure it will thank you. Stop trying to figure out what you are supposed to do. Let your Spirit and Heart speak to you. Suspend judgment for now (which is not to say suspend discernment).

Look within for the needs you are trying to have satisfied for you out there. What are those needs?

And then look deeper. Is there a bottom-line need here that is merely represented by such responses as “I need a job” “I need to know I won’t lose my house” “I need to know he loves me”?

Entertain the possibility that you can meet all of your needs and find a new way of being in the world; one you can hardly even imagine right now; one in which you have come to know that you have value, you are enough, you are loved; one in which you enchant and are enchanted by your destiny, your soul’s calling.

Don’t just flirt with it, romance your destiny, let it fall in love with you, and when it approaches and says “shall we dance?” find the courage and willingness to say, “Yes!”

Copyright (c) August 2009, Kathy J Loh, All Rights Reserved

Inspiration and Resources:

For personal coaching: www.coachkathy.com

For a great personal growth workshop series: www.lucidliving.net

For a good read: The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship, David Whyte

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Something is up for me, something around form and here is where I get the inform-ation about that. (See earlier post on Information)

In January, I attended a Tarot Pilgrimage for 2009 with Pamela Eakins. We pulled cards for each month of the year. My card for May is One of Earth (Form).

I am currently doing a 10 Powers Tarot journey with Pamela and this week the card we are working with is One of Earth (Form).

Pamela did a reading for me regarding my heart’s desire (wouldn’t you like to know what that is – I’m not telling) and the middle card was One of Earth (Form).

One of the questions posed by that card is what wants to be manifest into form now? What I read said the card is telling me to stop thinking about things and do them NOW.

It was driving me a little nuts. I had this sense of urgency. I mean the same card in 3 different readings converging at the same point…surely I must do something now! I found myself pacing agitatedly and asking, “but what? ” And I’m not talking I-don’t-have-a-clue-what, but which what? If you’ve ever had that problem you are familiar with the train wreck that follows.

Then, this morning while meditating on the card, something shifted. I saw NOW from a different angle. I saw that everything before NOW was THEN. (I know, duh) Every good idea, theory or creative expression from before is no longer an inspiration for form in the now. Things have changed. I have changed. So I ask myself: What is it that wants to happen now, because this is no longer then?

You are probably wondering when the Cheshire cat and the Mad Hatter appear…

In that moment of insight, I was released from the past and able to breathe into freedom, to catch a glimpse of what true freedom is.

Oak Sunset (K Loh)

Oak Sunset (K Loh)

I look at the oaks outside my window. When they were acorns full of potential there were many possibilities for what they would look like 10 or 20 years later. As they grew, environmental factors determined which way the branches would grow, which branches would become strong and which would fall away. With each passing moment, the options for what was once possible become redirected by virtue of what has happened so far. The infinite possibilities inherent in the acorn, are fewer.  And at every moment there is a question of what now, or which way now?

This is a simple illustration of being aware that we will have to hold our plans lightly.

I have a garage full of what could be called branches; boxes of music from my piano teaching years, synthesizer setups and computers for a learning lab I used in my studio. I have two windsurfers, sails, skis, mountain bike and tons of miscellaneous stuff in boxes including books. They all represent something from my past, some way in which I identified myself, some role I played or world in which I belonged. Some hold a higher potential of being part of my NOW than others.

Those that are part of my now are the branches that are still connected to my trunk. The ones that have some potential, but are not really present for me are connected, but have lost leaves. Others are branches that have fallen away and need to be cleaned up, recycled back into the community where they will nourish others.

The breath of freedom I received was in knowing that all the things and ideas from the past were what wanted to happen then and I had a great track record of bringing them into form. If I spend all my time herding the past, I will miss what it is that wants to happen now.

Focusing upon what wants to happen now, I lean into faith and I listen to the whispers of my soul and the times in which I live. Becoming present, I participate in creating as much as preserving. I do not lose my past. I am my past. I am a composition of all I have ever seen, done, said, thought, felt. That’s what  makes each of us, in this big pool of one-ness, so unique.  And all that I am contributes in that unique way to what I am up to now. I am informed by all those old ideas, doings and ways of being, but I don’t have to be chained to them, drained by them or beholding to them.

So when I ask the question – “what will I manifest into form now?” I no longer feel an urgency to pick an answer. I find it strangely pleasant to live in the question and while I’m living there (or should I say here), I become very creative and forms begin to make themselves  tangible through me.

How about you?

What comes up for you around all the stuff (internal and external) you have hanging around from the past?

How does it potentially help you navigate uncertain times whether in your own life or in our economic climate in general?

What wants to happen, through you,  now?

copyright(c) Kathy Loh, April 2009, all rights reserved

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It’s springtime in the hills of northern California and, today, the weather is perfect. Forget-me-nots wink at me from the shaded portions of the hiking trail. Bright red Indian Paintbrush clings to the cliffs in the sunshine. Bees buzz the California Lilac and my purple jacket. I can’t imagine I smell as good as the lilac. Poison oak is crowding the pathway, drawing my attention to my footsteps. Lupin sends its brilliant purple spikes skyward.

Forget-me-nots

Forget-me-nots (photo:Kathy Loh)

I love this time of year. Billowy clouds invite the imagination to discover transmutable shapes in them. I remember childhood innocence and I’m prone to dawdling. At such a pace, the whole world opens up and time is ineffective. Remember that musical “Stop the World, I Want to Get Off?” Well, today, for me, it is “stop the world I want to get on.”

My first steps on the trail were met with a piercing screech from a nearby pine. I followed it to see two Red-tailed Hawks catch an updraft, circling directly overhead. One was smaller than the other and I made up it was parent and offspring. As I watched them, I came to notice a third hawk way, way up in the sky. “OK,” I said to them. “I get it.” This is more than a message or a nudge. This is a request for my commitment to partner with them.  They are telling me it is time to soar and glide with the currents of life and they will be my willing guides.

A hummingbird darted toward me in a warning posture. I figure it must be protecting young ones in a nearby nest.

Teaching young ones to fly, protecting nests and boundaries, blossoming wildflowers reaching for the sun. ..sounds just like us.  We reach for nurturing and illumination. We are wild. We want to soar and we would like a little guidance and love along the way.

If we are to self-actualize, we need to feather our nests in alignment with our body, mind, spirit and heart. We need to protect that nest with the fierce bravery of the hummingbird; create our boundaries with a firm no when it serves us. We want to re-member our innocence and our wildness; give ourselves plenty of time each day to reach for that warm sun and glide on the current.

We are all familiar with the dreaded voice in our head that drives us all day long and the other one that says we deserve a pint of ice-cream for our efforts. What amazes me is how difficult it is for us to find that loving nurturing voice within.

The voice that cares about what’s really good for us.

The voice of the one who would soar right alongside us as we learn to fly.

The voice of the one who is patient and curious and can agree that this moment and this amazing blue flower with the delicate yellow center is all that matters right now. Everything else can wait.

The dreaded voice drives us out of our minds and out of this world. Hawks, hummingbirds, flowers and clouds go unnoticed.

The nurturing voice lovingly calls our souls home and makes everything about being in this world, including hawks, hummingbirds, flowers, clouds, you and me…a miracle.

What voice will you cultivate today?

copyright (c) April 2009, Kathy Loh, all rights reserved

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